You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
