his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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