Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
