yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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