Did you just see the Batmobile???
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
