sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize