Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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