Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize