Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
