i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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