i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
