I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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