I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
