WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
