I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
