It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
