So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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