Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
