Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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