so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
