totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
