last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
