When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
