im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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