the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
