my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
