Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
