We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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