...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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