he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize