Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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