I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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