Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
