my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
