dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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