The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
