apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
