I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
