its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
