I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
