Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
