At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
