Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
