i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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