i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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