Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
