I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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