Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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