Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
