Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
