he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
