Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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