That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
