Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
