You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
