Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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