They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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