I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
