I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
