maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
