4 words: hood of his car
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
