I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
