I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
