Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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