He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
