I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
