i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize