The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
