I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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