So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize