She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
