I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
