I need help removing her.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize